Being a Crack-Filler

My mother-in-law, mother of seven, has an interesting description of herself. She calls herself a crack-filler. What she means by this is that when she was raising her children, she found it difficult to volunteer to lead any church committees or school committees because of all of the time commitments she she had raising her children. However, she really wanted to help out and volunteer. Her strategy was to contact the head of an event to find out what different activities had not already been covered and she would fill in the cracks. If someone needed cookies, she baked them, if an event needed help setting up or cleaning up, she was the one to call. She wanted to find a way to be helpful and involved in all areas of her family's lives and this is how she was able to successfully do that.

Although my mother-in-law did not have any children with special needs, her strategy has been very helpful to me. When my third child, Joshua was going through the diagnosis and initial treatment for seizures, and an arachnoid cyst, I was not able to focus on anyone but him. It was a very traumatic time for our whole family. My oldest two really suffered for this as they were just beginning in their school career.They would have really liked to have their mommy help out in the classroom, or even volunteer for parties. Unfortunately, with emergency trips to the hospital being a regular occurrence, I was not able to be a reliable source of help on a scheduled basis.

As Joshua grew older and we started to learn how to live around the doctors visits and hospitalizations, I began to try to be a "crack-filler." At first, I asked the elementary school teachers if I could grade papers at home. It didn't make a lot of sense to me to hire a babysitter for my two little ones, Joshua and Zachary, but I wanted my two older kids to know I was interested in their lives. When my second child, David, joined Cub Scouts, I was able to volunteer to be the assistant leader to his den. I made cookies and other food for Teacher Appreciations and I always tried to be the one to call people when that became necessary. By the time Joshua was eight years old, I actually began coaching gymnastics two days a week to participate with my daughter and also became more involved with Cub Scouts with my second, David.

It is so easy to get caught up and worn out by a child's health issues or developmental delays. It is extremely important to compartmentalize your various activities, even when you feel overwhelmed and especially if you have other children. Our family's experiences have taught us that a child can have an illness or disability, but it is only a part of who s/he is, not their whole existence. When another of your children or your spouse needs to have time and energy, sometimes the child with the disability or health problem has to take the back seat. The same holds true with just taking time to enjoy yourself. Being a "crack-filler" is a very valuable contribution you can make to help out organizations, your family and even yourself.